I had a friend last night point out that it has been a long time since I wrote anything here. She is right. And I've been thinking about my silence for nearly the entire time! I will try to clarify the "why".
In my last post I told you about sweet, 91-year-old, Marjorie and her family. And as I work at sorting out days and weeks, I'm almost stunned that what I am about to write about was just last week.........it feels like an age ago........... Just a week ago last night, Bro. Robinson came into the room where we were eating our supper with the missionaries and told us that she had passed (They don't say "passed away" here in Alabama. It's simple "passed") and the "visitation" would be on Friday. Roger called Jerry and invited him to go with us.
Friday morning the Relief Society president in Ensley called the office to ask Sister Newman and me if we could meet her at the Eastside Funeral Home that afternoon to "help dress a body". Sister Newman said yes before we got there, feeling that she could count on my cooperation. (I am grateful for that.) She drove and we were the first ones there. The "pastor" associated with the funeral home told us we had to have a letter from the church, on letterhead, saying we could do this. Of course, no one was at any church at that time. We called Roger; had him draft a letter; print it on letterhead and Pres. Hanks happened to be at the office right then, so he could sign it. Roger faxed it. This man added "their addendum" to absolve them from any liability if we should happen to get ill from coming into contact with any body fluids. And we had to sign it. That put me off right there!!!!!! And he did all this with very little, if any, feeling of compassion or warmth. I was struggling to feel the spirit.....and I wanted to, as I had during previous experiences. They brought us a plastic shopping bag--better than a grocery bag--with her clothes in it but we had to wait for her husband to bring her underclothing. When he did, the four of us (we had been joined by Carolyn, who knew Marian well and helped us know her a little) followed a caring woman into one of the other rooms--it was too big, too "open" and bare of all comforts. Again......it was disconcerting. I pulled the white clothes out of the bag and while the others were putting the skirt on--it was not going on very easily, I again reached into the bag and pulled out a white jacket. Then I realized there was nothing else in there! not even a blouse! It was then that Carolyn stopped and said "These are not her temple clothes! This is what she wore to her father's funeral." Carolyn was determined to dress her as she knew she would want to be. I was so thankful she was there! We removed the skirt, went out and Carolyn called Marian's husband. He was not even back home again yet! I don't know how many silent prayers Carolyn sent heavenward that he would be able to find Marian's temple bag. He is less active and Carolyn was somewhat more than skeptical that he even knew what he was looking for. Finally, he called. He had found a bag. She made him stay on the phone while he went through it so she could be sure everything was there. Then we waited for him to drive back. It was a "night and day" difference this time........the clothing went on much easier. The feeling was better. And we all felt thankful we could do something for this sweet sister she could not do for herself. When we finally got her robe and sash on, and I was able to fold all the pleats so they would lay flat--Ruby and Carolyn combed her hair (it was such a blessing they were there! How could Sister Newman and I possibly know anything about "making an Afro"?????) and put on her veil...........she looked beautiful. Carolyn wanted to have prayer before we left. I was so thankful for that..........it helped smooth my somewhat jumbled feelings. It was all quite different from my past experiences! But Marian is ready for the resurrection!
It was now after 5:00! Roger called as we were getting in the car to say he was almost there--so we were going to Marjorie's visitation--and to not leave. He pulled up in fewer than five minutes. The visitation was on the other side of Birmingham--way out....... we stopped for Jerry and he was so excited to have been invited to go with us; excited that we had "remembered" him. He is so humble and gentle! There were dozens of cars in the parking lot at this church/funeral home. I'm still not sure what it was. I think it was a church almost in the middle of a cemetery. We happened to meet a granddaughter in the parking lot and she expressed her gratitude that we would come. Nearly all the children we had met at the house made certain they spoke to us and many of them hugged us. They again spoke of their gratitude for coming to the house that night and then to also be there then. Marjorie's brother from Florida--a member of the church--was also there and thanked us. Jerry knew him from way back in the first and only ward in Birmingham!!
I still cannot sort out the differences or the reasons or even my own feelings about it all...........maybe it is just that the experiences and my feelings were so powerful and such a definite contrast......I still don't know........... and if I think about it too much I get to feeling very unsettled, and that's no good for me!
We've had a good but slow week--well, kind of. We went to Attalla one day to put in a Tiwi and then to Montgomery for another one...... after a few weeks with no accidents and Roger feeling really good about that--we've had four since Tuesday!! And two of the cars totaled!!!! One just this afternoon in Tuscaloosa........we are so thankful the sisters were not seriously hurt. I've told you about the long lights here, and how I've never seen so many people trying to "make" a yellow light and many red lights run.........well......they were turning left and the light changed, she started to turn, and someone tried to make the light. Scary!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe that's why most people don't make left turns except on the green arrow. I've sat behind lots of cars and trucks clear through a green light even when there is a sign saying "left turn yield on green" or something like that--waiting for the green left arrow. I'll be more patient from now on............
And I'm going to stop. This has taken on a life of its own and I'm not sure that's a good thing. But there it is. I have to mention MLC on the 5th. We had soup in bread bowls. Yummy soup. Too much bread. But so fun! And it looked so pretty on the table..........I'll post some pictures............
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